Sunday, September 18, 2005

Robot Feelings

All your Hollywood cars and all your Hollywood women have large, plastic bumpers. There are also exotic coverings for both - have you seen those fancy leather bras for cars? I always think it's very exciting when I see an owner taking one off for a car wash. But do we really protect our actresses and cars with these? No, we send both of them into high speed chases, and the coverings, besides not really being coverings, always come off. Then we are talking about full on, bare-bumper collisions.

That we think of our machines as attractive people (usually women) is especially apparent in our comics with huge humanoid robots. Someday we'll really have these, and then we'll really need those plastic bumpers. Which raises a question: if we think of robots as women, don't we also think of women as robots? I think the folks who made Baywatch have made up their minds, and I'm warning my children not to waste time with dirty robots. They'll understand when the real robots show up, them and their robotica.

At the same time, we should respect these hopelessly dirty, pathetic, mindless robots, and allow them every privelege they deserve. I am very upset by the term "robo", disparaging of homosexual robots. It shows an emerging "us vs. the robots", mentality, and I don't at all doubt that robots, like so many other oppressed people, will have a long fight against robot inequality. Clearly, robots need full citizenship like the rest of us, which is why I support the following quoted constitutional amendment for robots.

PROPOSED.

Section 1. All robots created, manufactured, imported, or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of robots of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any robot of programming, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any robot within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Section 2. Rights of citizens of the United States shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of manufacture, programming, program release or revision date, or date of manufacture.

1 Comments:

At 9:00 PM, September 18, 2005, Anonymous Pilcrow said...

Holy cow, you've been hiding this all these years.

You're pretty dang funny.

 

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